Fuck yeah, we can live like this..

recently, I’ve received a few messages of friends who are concerned because I havent been posting a lot recently..if at all, and if i’m alright.

the truth is, I think I am. (knock on wood). I feel fine. and I actually mean FINE, i’m not just using that word as a cover. so i created this tumblr as a release because I didn’t feel comfortable with people in real life reading my innermost thoughts, feelings, etc. but I miss the tumblr family and support I found through THIS tumblog. 

So i feel bad about being okay. I feel like I left a lot of people behind when I checked into treatment and since i’ve been in recovery, and I don’t want to do that. I also don’t want this to seem like a blog of only negative things, because it helped me achieve a positive state in my life. 

So hello to old followers and new ones alike. I promise to update more often than usual and I promise I’m not going anywhere. I’m still here to talk, listen, and be as awkward and emotionally inappropriate as ever :)

XoXo

-b.

“Maybe I have low self-esteem. Maybe I’m not finished working through my issues with my parents. What I want is to become the kind of person who can pay her bills, do her laundry, clean her house, and go to school full-time, and teach, and do research, and publish, and write a spectacular novel, and have a perfect relationship, and be the life of the party, and, okay, maybe not drink quite so much, and, and, and. I want to be superwoman, and the fact that I’m not makes me hate myself and constantly wonder why I’m such a waste.”

-Madness: A Bipolar Life, Marya Hornbacher. 

and i’m not even bipolar, but this is it.

My ex just texted me saying he’s in Plainfield, visiting my cousin, who happens to be like a brother to me, and he wants to see me. out of the freaking blue. Who the hell do you think you are, texting me at 12:30 am telling me you’re “in town” and i should come over to my cousin’s house (3 minutes away) and see you?!

You had your chance, you screwed it up, and while I don’t wish bad things on you, I don’t want you as a part of my life anymore. Thanks for waiting until the last second to let me know you’re in town. Too bad I’ve moved on.

I actually thought about going over there for about 0.0001 seconds, but if i go, I’ll probably fall for his green eyes and all hell will break loose so I am just going to go to bed and forget I ever received notice of his arrival. Hmph.