21 and invincible. Passive/Aggressive. Manic/Depressive. Recovering anorexic, orthorexic, and self mutilator. I started this path by choice, and now its taken over, once again. I don't have the energy to try and stop it. I don't like mirrors, and I have scars that make even the most experienced psychiatrists cringe. thats all folks.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
At the risk of no one reading this..
..because since being in recovery/healing/being healthy/graduating college I have yet to give this tumblog the attention it deserves..I’m going to say this anyway.
The worst thing a person can do is keep a secret, keep the truth, from themselves. I’ve been doing it for a while, perhaps too long. Pretending I’m ok. Convincing everyone I’m fine, stable, “normal.”
I’m scared. Terrified. I’m going to screw this up, if I haven’t already, and I’m going to end up nowhere fast. But the only thing that terrifies me more than not doing something about it is admitting to the world that I am a fraud. I have become excellent at lying. Pretending to be ok, hiding new wounds, and inventing new ways of hurting.
In my world of “look at me,” or “look at how healthy I am,” “see how wonderful I’m doing?” there isn’t a lot of room for secrets, but I’ve always found the time and the energy to do as I please without regard to anyone or anything else. Maybe this was my problem all along..my lack of concern for others and my underlying selfishness. Unfortunately, if this is the case, the only thing it means is..I still don’t give a damn.
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principessa posted this
