June 2011
2 posts
5 tags
4 tags
At the risk of no one reading this..
..because since being in recovery/healing/being healthy/graduating college I have yet to give this tumblog the attention it deserves..I’m going to say this anyway.
The worst thing a person can do is keep a secret, keep the truth, from themselves. I’ve been doing it for a while, perhaps too long. Pretending I’m ok. Convincing everyone I’m fine, stable, “normal.”...
May 2011
1 post
How To Hate Yourself, →
More appropriately titled, the story of my life…
Get ready for the day. Dread looking at yourself in the mirror because what you see will make you want to put a paper bag over your head. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Grendel or a Gisele. If you hate yourself, you’re always a Grendel. You could whittle yourself down to 90 pounds and still say things like, “My shoulder blade looks ugly! The...
April 2011
2 posts
3 tags
“I don’t think that I was ever trying to kill myself, but I knew that if I had...”
– Demi Lovato (via jennifersbody)
Exactly right and so perfectly said.
(via acheshirecat)
792) If you really knew me you'd know that I have...
acheshirecat:
screaming-lambs:kaileakrom:(via ifyouureallyyknewme)
I needed to post this now because I haven’t read something so true for so long. Every single word of this.
I do still have the scars, but the self-loathing has gotten much better. April 3rd was my one-year anniversary of being done with treatment. I’m really, honestly, ok now. Most of the time.
March 2011
1 post
candyjones asked: Do you remember me love?
February 2011
2 posts
1 tag
4 tags
January 2011
5 posts
“I was so scared to give up depression, fearing that somehow the worst part of me...”
– Prozac Nation - Elizabeth Wurtzel (via skinnythinobsession)
3 tags
Him: “I love you”
Me: “Then why do you insist on putting me through hell?” ”I love you too.”
6 tags
Lesser of 2 evils?
being medicated and gaining weight as a side effect of the meds and working out 3 hours a day/going crazy trying not to be fat so I don’t fall back into my disordered eating habits
OR
not being medicated and potentially slipping back into using cutting as a coping mechanism.
For the record, this is NOT what I imagined my 20s being like. Not at all. I swore I’d be better by now.
thesebrightlights-deactivated20 asked: Yesterday, I cut after two months, so I know how you feel, and it breaks my heart that you go through this because you're an amazing and beautiful person.<3
3 tags
Even the best fall down sometimes.
I have fallen off the wagon.
Days since I last cut: 191 1
December 2010
4 posts
daintyisasdaintydoes asked: I'm terrified of my possible inability to have children as well.. Actually, that was the deciding factor in beginning my recovery (although I've been in relapse). It's such a scary thought. I really hope you the best<3
xo
xo
3 tags
Its quickly becoming very apparent..
That I really might not ever be able to have kids. I thought I would be ok with this because I’m not very maternal at all, but HE wants a son, and I might not be able to give him one. I’ve been seeing an OBGYN twice a week for about 2 and a half months who specializes in infertility and so far, I’m still not able to ovulate at all. I know this is awkwardly very personal, but...
3 tags
5 tags
So, I'm a little insecure..
..this you knew when we started talking and being friends about 2 and a half years ago. You knew it even further every time I cried to you about this, that, the other. I’m hypersensitive, especially when I’m being medicated. YOU KNOW THIS. This isn’t a shock to you. Don’t act surprised. Don’t get frustrated. You said you can handle me. You told me you were up for the challenge. Said I was worth...
November 2010
6 posts
5 tags
I was at the gym tonight, watching Gossip Girl...
and I kept having mah-jor flashbacks of when I was sent into treatment because Serena overdosed and was being sent to rehab and it was all too familiar. Thank GOD no one could tell I was on the verge of tears, it was a very emotional run for me. BUT, it fueled my workout and I ran 7 miles in about 50 minutes. FuckYeah.
2 tags
The One Where I Don't Know What To Say Anymore..
recently, I’ve received a few messages of friends who are concerned because I havent been posting a lot recently..if at all, and if i’m alright.
the truth is, I think I am. (knock on wood). I feel fine. and I actually mean FINE, i’m not just using that word as a cover. so i created this tumblr as a release because I didn’t feel comfortable with people in real life reading...
Anonymous asked: Principessa. Amazing movie. Was wondering if there was any way to talk to you?
2 tags
3 tags
2 tags
It happened gradually then suddenly: Why have u... →
sheisdelusional:
journeyto105:
Yes, I’m so fucking spoiled. You must know me SO WELL. Fucktard.
feel free kids
This is exactly why I’m starting a fundraiser to spread awareness through my school about suicide prevention my and mom is training to be a crisis worker for hopeline (1800suicide)
People…
i’m so proud of you for spreading awareness about this kind of thing. Too many...
October 2010
22 posts
2 tags
“Our past has made us what we are today. Your soul is nourished by all your...”
– Audrey Hepburn
2 tags
3 tags
4 tags
Me: I'm going to the gym for 2 hours of spin class, and then to run 6 miles.
Him: Please don't overdo it, love. I think you're perfect.
Me: It's fine. I'm fine. I just need to lose a bit more then I'll be ok
Him: I love you, but I can't see you do this to yourself. I won't put up with it.
Me: I'm ok.
Him: You've worked too hard to get better and I love you too much to see you deal with this forever.
Me: I've also worked too hard to let myself go after maintaining a decent figure for 7 years, thank you.
4 tags
“I had it all figured out. So I cut out a little early? Who cares? It’s probably...”
– Keith (via homesickletters)
oh wow..this is pretty much spot-on how i feel about HIM.
5 tags
2 tags
What's Eating You
I started watching this tonight and it’s making me anxious. I don’t even know. My doctor told me I should watch it to see how far I’ve come, gave me homework, but I just don’t know.
“When food is your drug, you have to take it in.”
3 tags
Anonymous asked: is that actually you in your picture?
3 tags
I’m always coming down from the night before...
4 tags
5 tags
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"It's not fair...
you promised me you’d take care of yourself.”
“I know. and I’m sorry. I’m trying.”
“Try harder.”
3 tags
September 2010
24 posts
4 tags
Dear boys in biochem lab.
you’re tacky and i hate you.
seriously, all you ever talk about is food and all the girls you’ve been with, its gross and so disgusting. i have been looking at thinspo for the last 45 minutes in order to tune out all the food discussion.
it better work.
2 tags
“I know what it’s like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try...”
– Susanna Kaysen // Girl, Interrupted
4 tags
6 tags
iambruised:
walkingawkwardpause:Just Like We Do-...